Being There

My partner posed an interesting question to me the other day and my answer was somewhat surprising to me but, at the same time, not at all. He asked me if I considered Vancouver or NYC home. Consider that I left Vancouver when I was 24 years old and returned in June of 2014 after a few decades living away. Without having to think about it I immediately responded NYC. Manhattan particularly haunts me in several ways and there are times when I sorely miss the eclectic life I had there. I guess it is true that you can take the girl out of NYC but you can’t take NYC out of the girl.

Thinking about it, there are several other places where I’ve been that, if I inhale deeply enough, I think that I can smell the air, I can feel the feelings, I am back there once again. Bogota and Villa de Leyva in Colombia are more recent destinations that left a significant, life-changing impression on me but I also realize that I would not have the same impression I had during my two visits in 2017 and 2018 if I were to go back now. Under the circumstances, they were wondrous, magical, and somehow empowering. In memory and in dreams, I can still go back anywhere. I can wander the streets and the place will always be the way I remember no matter how time changes me or the locations.

For quite a while now, the past has been seeping into my sleep at night in the form of lucid dreams. Sometimes they continue on at another time like an episode in a tv series. I’ve come across several articles regarding how the pandemic has changed our sleep, particularly our dreamscapes and even the lengthening of our REM cycles. It’s been an interesting and enlightening time indeed. I only wish I could record my nocturnal experiences for further viewing. What could be revealed in these mind movies only the imagination can tell. Aside from all this, some previous dreams have stayed with me for years.

One dream in particular was a recurring scene with myself and a young man that I had known when I was 14 and 15. He was only two years older than I but it might as well have been five. We had an innocent relationship of sorts until I dumped him for a tall, dark, mysterious brief encounter. Of course, I tried to reconnect but it all ended tragically. Unfortunately, he and the fellow he had been riding with were killed in a car accident on their way home from working in northern British Columbia. I was devastated for a long time afterward. He started coming into my dreams a while after that and refused to speak while always standing with his back to me. Well, many years went by until in the last dream I finally told him to stop bothering me if he wasn’t going to say anything and to move on. I never saw him again. I suppose I had finally let go.

Sometimes, before I am fully awake, I think about visiting a certain museum or shop then realize that I’m not in that place but thousands of miles away instead. I can’t help but feel disappointed. Some dreams are so real while others are simply odd, even a bit scary. Often, I don’t know the people, and other times one of the several cats that I had shared my life with comes back for a visit. Sometimes they speak. I’ve had friends that passed away at a relatively young age show up with prophetic messages and have gotten helpful information that I remembered after waking up. The memories and ideas alone that can be engendered from a dream can unlock doors in the mind, to finally free whatever has been imprisoned there. It can be quite remarkable how our lives can change along with our perceptions of it. Dreams can be a window into our subconscious, a missing piece of a puzzle, or an understanding or closure from the past. Dreams can also remind us of how wonderful the moments in our lives are and how the best thing we can do is pay attention while we are awake. It’s all about being there.

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare

Post #103 by Jude Gorgopa, Reinvention Consultant and the Founder of Clout Et Cetera and The Fundamentals of Clout. Connect: judegorgopa@gmail.com & LinkedIn.